Wake up, BE AWARE.

There is no winning or losing, madding it or failing. There is only learning and growing. No matter where the learning process may lead you, your time is NOW. No need to wonder where this or that will lead you in the future; or how it will resound in it. Is how it affects your NOW what really matters. If your now is not what gives you happiness, not what you want; change direction. Take that next turn and keep walking, keep learning, keep growing. If it is indeed what makes you happy then go along in that road but continue to learn, grow and allow change to happen.

It’s the idea that our days are numbered what makes us go moment by moment without being aware of what that moment is giving us, teaching us, how it's changing us.  But if indeed our days are numbered, then you don’t really have much control over that. So what do you do focusing on a goal 1,5,10 years from NOW, when you have a goal to accomplish at this very moment.  LEARN, GROW, SHIFT.

The idea that life can vanish in a blink of an eye should be eye opening and help us understand that what really matters is NOW, this very very instant. What we do with it is VERY important, but what we take from it is EXTREMELY IMPERATIVE.  Not for the future but for the NOW itself. Why sacrificing your well state of being NOW expecting a better state of being TOMORROW?

Be aware and understand that everything around you is a direct consequence of who you are, how you perceive yourself and what you do at a conscious and unconscious level. The more consciously aware you become, the path becomes clearer and clearer and the decisions are easier to take; since you are now aware of where that may lead you. Not expecting it will actually lead you there, but knowing it is a possibility you can choose to have if by the moment you get there is still what you want.

How many times have you set yourself a goal and work around it really hard but by the time you get to that point is not exactly as you pictured it. Is not as exciting and fulfilling as you thought it was going to be. Or how many times you have wished for something that used to make you so happy in the past, a person, a toy, an object, a moment; then you work so hard again to get it and by the time you get it doesn’t give you that same feeling it used to give you before. And instead of sitting and “thinking” about the actual reason on why this happens you automatically blame it on the system, that the way things are lately have you so stressed that you can’t enjoy things anymore; and a bunch of other “reasons” that are not specifically related with YOU being the main reason.

We move and as we move we learn, grow and change. At a conscious or unconscious level we DO. Is the unawareness of that, the not paying attention to what the NOW gives us and how affects us what makes us not understand that our “goals” may constantly slightly change to actually fulfill our desires. Is the unawareness of how those little details in life affect us. And how allowing them to teach us and grow with them or not affects us even more.

However, what really makes a change is to allow ourselves to be more consciously aware of what happens inside of us. What we feel.  How it makes us feel. Sometimes we focus so much on that goal that we don’t notice or worse, we ignore that the process is making us miserable. But we have this idea that once we get there it will all be worth it. And we do this and say this to ourselves so many times that the brain ends up believing it. And you might even think at the end of it “It was worth it because I made it”. However that feeling of accomplishment slowly disappears and everything draws black in front of your eyes and you don't have a reason why.  I should be happy, I worked so hard, what is missing? Then you start panicking and looking on the closest places something that can give you that momentarily feel of fulfilness. That bit of happiness that keeps running out and you need new power sources to feeding it. Instead of actually pursuing what will give you that constant feeling of fulfillment that you should experience.

Acceptance is an important part of feeling fulfilled, feeling happy. Is when you accept yourself for who YOU ARE, love yourself for who YOU ARE and start being aware of what YOU can GIVE rather than what YOU can GET when everything becomes smoother. Not easier, smoother. Because is in that moment where being consciously aware of YOUR reality, YOUR TRUTH, that change actually starts happening. Is at that moment of acceptance that you realize what is making you move forward and what is holding you back.

Waking up, awareness, acceptance are just steps to begin. Sometimes we have to be really strong to accept some facts. We will have to “change” habits, “leave” people we love behind. But this is only hard at the beginning because we are still unconsciously fighting the truth we are trying to accept. Doesn’t mean we don’t accept it, its just that breaking a habit it always takes time, requires effort and constant work. As the time goes by things will go smoother and smoother till you reach a point where you say, I would’ve reacted totally different 5,6,7 month ago. Or this would’ve affected me in a different way.

It is the awakening of our consciousness , the awareness and the constant acceptance of who we are, how we feel, what makes us feel that, that will help us get a lil bit closer to happiness. Happiness is a state that you choose to have for as how long you choose to have it.

Sunday June 29th 8:54 am. The sunrise of my life.

I just came back from an interesting night. A random camping night at the beach. Tho after some events the night seemed to be turning into NOT what I expected BUT it became more pleasant and peaceful than what I could imagine.

First it was the company, tho it was people I know, is not the kind of people I got use to do things with this past few years. So didn’t know what to expect. Adding to that was my “fear” of thinking of her again, miss her right there in the middle of nowhere, wishing she was there. Wanting her by my side. Yet knowing that no matter what she wouldn’t be there because she is no longer part of my life. Tho she is my soulmate, the one. Lola, I thought of you all night long, but it didn’t hurt, I missed you without pain that night. I love you...

Then out of nowhere people arrived to the beach, it was around 3:00 am I think, I don’t know. I forgot I had a phone on my backpack or that there was life after that beautiful moment under a mantle of stars on that beautiful dark sky. The point is that this little pack of people showed up, drinking, partying, making noise, doing their thing.  It was, of course, a reason to be pissed, bothered and not feel comfortable enough to enjoy the night. After all is not what I had planned; I expected and wanted a silent conversation with the sea, nothing else. But things never happen the way I expect… Still something inside always kept me cool. And despite the noise it kept me focused on two things, the sea and the sky. I decide to go for a walk; “people, life around will always creates uncomfortable situations around you” i thought.  It can be seen as some kind of  test.  Actually feels that way because your reaction to those situations, your decisions will modify the results. As in everything in life. Most I think.

So… I go for a walk, not really expecting for anything to happen but kinda aware that is a possibility, something always happens. After all it wasn’t going to be my first neither my last experience under this type of circumstances. I’m trying to let go of the fact that  they are disturbing my peace; I try to concentrate hard enough that my peace is inside and has nothing to do with my outside. I walked around and went back to the side where I was. I stand on top of this small rock in the middle of the water. I would like to describe my feeling while I was on top of that rock.  It was like a fight, a fight inside between who would get my attention. Noise around me, myself, the sky or the sea.  I get a bit lost again on the sea and the sky.  All of the sudden few of those people come close to me with an aggressive-invasive tone.  Fear was what I detected the most; fear out of ignorance is dangerous, I know this very well.  Politely I tell this guy who talked to me as if he had some kind of power over me to go back to do his thing and I keep doing mine. “Go back to your drinking and partying and leave me alone; have a good night” Those were my words.  He kinda wanted to threaten me I guess, since they were talking about taking the guns and knives out. I got scare honestly, my friends were asleep and I was unarmed; but I didn’t panicked, didn’t pay much attention to it. It was automatic, they talked and I couldn’t care less.   They leave, shout a lot of stuff, speak high enough for me to hear; insults and some other stuff.  I don’t lose it, after all is just ignorance at it’s best.  Amazing since it takes half of that for me to explode, lose it and go nuts.

They go back to their business, I try to submerge myself in mine even more.  More people appear with more noise to give.  Mosquitoes are killing me, yet the night couldn’t be more beautiful and perfect.  I go inside the camping house.  I’m worried, tired but worried; can’t sleep. What if someone steals my bag? I left it outside, my wallet is there, my mom’s phone is there… I’ll be in deep shit. But I don’t try to get it inside.  I just try to relax, tell myself everything will be alright.  I sleep.  Despite the noise, my frustration and fear, I lose myself into morpheus arms. I must say I slept like a baby. I woke up a lot, just like one, but it wasn’t stressing, I would simply close my eyes and go back to sleep.  Night passes by.  I wished I would’ve stayed up all night. Sky was beautiful. Black and deep, stars everywhere; somewhat unreal, surreal.  Peaceful, warm, alone.  Dear solitude I’m falling for you.

I woke up.  The moment couldn’t be more perfect.  Still noise. But no rush, no stress, frustration, fear or madness. Just nothing.  Is just me, an intoxicating feeling of gratitude, this wonderful beach ahead and from side to side and the hope of a perfect sunrise.  I stretch, walk, breath in an out.  I run a bit on the shore; dogs, I stop and go back.  Can’t hear the noise anymore, just the waves as if they talked, sing.  A dog appears and sits down, not in my way but close; Looking at my direction but not exactly to me.  I stop, for some reason I sit on the sand and look at the same direction. Surprise!! Sunrise.  

One of them said, we are at the west point, therefore we cannot appreciate a sunrise at it’s best. Wrong! It was just perfect for me.  I catch it just rising over the buildings on the pier. This incandescent sphere that looks so cold from this perspective. As it goes up my eyes create this protective lid from it’s brightness. Never noticed before, but I did today.

This perfect fire sphere looked like a medieval round gold shield reflecting the light of god from everywhere you looked at it.  Superb. Magnificent.

I’m hypnotized by its dance as it comes up, by it’s bright as it gets shinier. By it’s peaceful constant movement so quick yet subtle.  Lovely like a romantic poem.  Almost fake, but so real. A miracle that happens every morning and no a lot seem to notice.  Amazing even tho is so common. The noise disappeared completely.  I just remember it’s beauty as it reflects it’s bright on the calm waters turning it into orange and deep blue-gray.  As everything so awesome and beautiful it didn’t last long.  I thank for it and ask for this “Please give me courage to accept the things I can’t change and change those I can”

Everything after that was just small talk. Should’ve stayed quiet. Next time.

Living, aging, dying.

Everywhere I look around there is this thirst, fear. This ridiculous desire of immortality. Answers on how to age slower, look younger, stay the same, cheat death, avoid death, defy death. Pretty much there is this constant non stop campaign against change. It’s being advertised as being healthy, staying healthy. Just a mask which holds a darker truth of fear of being obsolete.

We refuse change, we fight change in our daily basis. No matter how fucked up our present is, We fight against something different tomorrow if we consider is remotely “worse” of what we have now; even when there’s so many other things that are worth fighting against.

We constantly seek for “improvement”, make things better, etc. But are we actually doing that?

How can we improve ourselves based on the rejection of something that is so common and part of our day to day life. Change.

If we isolate aging. How can we define aging itself? Damaging? Deterioration of the body?
Aging, as I perceive it, is nothing more than time itself passing by. Time = aging. Not saying is the same, but one is a consequence of the existence of the other one. It is said that in space we age slower. Time perception in space is different than here on earth. Can’t explain much about because i’m honestly no expert. I’m just trying to explain something to myself based on experience and the perception of life through my own. Per say.

I ask myself, why are we so afraid of dying? It’s obviously a natural process. We are born, we live, we die. Everything seems to go through this simple process. Some lasts longer than others. A bee lives for what? 1-2 weeks and dies from natural causes. A human lives 70-80 years in average nowadays. 40 years ago, it used to be 30-40… and from where I see it. in 10 years it’ll be 90-100 if not more.

I go online, ignoring all of the trash that invades the net these days, there’s a lot of information being discussed and put out there on how living “healthier, younger, longer” lives. How to keep wrinkles from coming out. How to keep yourself beautiful on the outside. Lately, maybe because is a subject i’m picking interest on, I see a lot of information on how to keep not only your exterior healthier, but also your interior. Not talking about organs, but the spirit.

People are “taking” conscious, they are starting to be aware on the existence and the importance of the soul, the spirit, energy, frequencies, vibrations. And that the correct understanding and managing of it can make you have a better, healthier, happier life. But to do what with that?

People are trying to “better” themselves. Why? Trying to avoid the inevitable? extend it? Why?

I see and ask myself what is the point of being here? What is my reason? I’m I supposed, as an individual to aspire to make a change. Or i’m just supposed to go along with the living model established nowadays? What i’m i supposed to do once i’m all healthy?

Much say that we should aspire to happiness. We must live in order that when time arrives we go feeling fulfilled. Well, I think that. Feeling good about ourselves and the way we lived.  Life as I see it, is a moment. An instant, not even a second. Our whole life is limited by moment after moment. We are constantly dying and being reborn in that same moment. There will come a point where our point of rebirth will be different. We transcend to a different plane because our time arrived. Meaning, we died.

I look around and I see people trying to live a life they don’t even try to understand. In order so when death comes, understanding death even less than life itself, we have no regrets. What is living? Breathing, working, money, buying, spending, loving, hating, having, tossing?

We are so absorbed by living longer and looking better, that we forgot what is actually improving the way of living. We forgot, failed on understanding what is the point of living. Try so hard to live longer when is fact that longevity is not linked with the quality of your life. Neither looking “good” or getting money.

I’m not saying dying is the answer. But death is. Embracing it. Not fearing for it. Not seeing it as “losing” the battle. Is Just a phase of life that will come sooner or later. It may seem here i’m pro suicide, ending your life early. I respect the decision of those who do, doesn’t mean I encourage it. I simply believe in respecting life choices no matter what.

This is not about killing yourself, neither finding the meaning of life. But finding yourself in life. Understanding life. You are here already, might as well try to do the best you can for you and those around you. Enjoy the ride and if possible show a few how to do so. Life should be about giving, not getting.

If you wish to improve your life, make sure is that what you aim to improve, not the appearance of it. Work on knowing yourself and you’ll know life.

Paraplexic? Not really…

Disabled? Maybe...

Have you feel you've lost control of your body? your mind?

You think you are thinking. But what are your thoughts?

What is going on inside, so tempestuous for the outside to comprehend?

I wanna tell my body to move, but I don’t feel like moving.

Why am I like this?

Why can’t I just DO something.

But to sit, surrender, cry, miss, fear.

Look for answers, reasons of things that already past and that no matter how much I regret, I cannot go back to change.

They happened. I did what I did. Why can't it be just  place in the past where it belongs?

Why the need of this being by my side that keeps my mind occupied. Not thinking about the past.

Not thinking at all until I start thinking again in other matters of “life”. And here we go again.

Always something to be worried about.  

Always something broken.

Always something to “think” about.

Always something to fix.

Always something that needs to be avoid. Put off. Ignored…

But then I again I find myself struggling.

I struggle because I need the struggle.

I feel I don't know peace. That I have always been in war. In war with myself. With the world around and inside.

But I need it. I have this hunger that doesn't go away.

I feel like i'm going to explode, and i'm sure I will if I don't do something to find peace.

All I need is to DO. What?, it’s coming but I can't see it. Too busy worrying.

El Imparable Dinamismo de la Vida.

Curioso.
Curioso como ciertas cosas "cambian". La forma de vivir, las creencias, los gustos... todo es un proceso dinámico sujeto a modificaciones constantes.

Soy amante a la leche, leche de vaca. Mientras mas fresca, mas me pierdo en su sabor, su textura.  Hasta acostumbrarme a tomar esa leche procesada de cartón fue un proceso un tanto "tedioso" para mi. No difícil, pues tomarme litros de esa leche al día era puro juego para mi. Pero si un tanto mortificante, pues siempre al tomarme un vaso o "embicarme" del carton extrañaba y añoraba ese dulce sabor de la leche fresca de vaca.   Sin embargo, dado a ciertos problemas estomacales fui creando cierta intolerancia a la misma, y lo que era un placer pronto se convirtió en... bueno algo así como una tortura a la que me sometía conscientemente solo por darme ese sabroso GUSTO.

No paso mucho tiempo, bueno, en realidad si... AÑOS, antes de que la "molestia" venciera a mi "pasión". Poco a poco fui eliminando la leche de vaca y sus derivados de mi dieta. No por gusto, creanme cuando digo que fue incluso hasta traumatizante. Recuerdo llorar e incluso sentirme deprimida al no poder disfrutar uno de mis placeres culinarios. Y eso no sucedió cuando era una pequeña niña, esto hablado de hace unos añitos atrás.  Un buen queso, mi vaso leche fría con chocolate, una batida, una avena, un chocolate de gofio (maíz), yogurt, etc.  En fin, fue un proceso difícil ya que muchas de mis comidas preferidas iban acompañadas con algún derivado de este delicioso néctar.

A medida que mi condición estomacal empeoró tanto mi doctor como mi madre me aconsejaban sustituir la tradicional leche de vaca por otras leches incluso mas nutritivas y menos abrasivas que esta. Leche de soya, de almendra, etc. Yo me negaba rotundamente pues, ESO NO ES LECHE.

Fue durante mi estadía en Sosúa en el 2011, cuando probé leche de almendra. No porque me la ofrecieran, sino porque no había otra cosa y yo quería LECHE. Que estúpida me sentí al darme cuenta que este nuevo sabor fue completamente hipnotizante para mi y mis sentidos. Poco a poco fui probando otras alternativas a productos lácteos y productos de origen animal, específicamente carnes. No me mal interpreten, aun disfruto un buen JARRO de leche de vaca fresca o un buen trozo de carne. Sin embargo mis gustos ya no están enfrascados; ahora, a diferencia del pasado, como molondrón, tayota, berenjena, pimientos, entre otras cosas que aunque las consumía en el pasado era mas cosa de, "bueno, ya está ahí y hay que comérselo".

No obstante en mi presente he aprendido a permitirme degustar nuevos sabores, texturas y olores que antes hubiesen parecido imposible disfrutar. Antes de decir NO, ahora pruebo, degusto. Si no me gusta de una forma, pues procuro probarla preparada de otra forma. Y vaya mi sorpresa, creo que lo único, de todo lo que he comido, eso incluye lombrices de tierra, que en realidad no logro adorar es el arenque. Y si es mi abuela que lo cocina con papas, hasta me puedo comer una buena porción.

Es curioso, muy curioso como el probar las cosas antes de rechazarlas de ante mano funciona para todo lo que conozco de la vida hasta ahora. A penas consumo carnes o derivados, pero no me considero vegetariana pues aunque he disminuido su consumo, disfruto de vez en cuando alguno de estos productos.

Me he dado cuenta que el absolutismo inducido es una falacia al placer personal.  Cuando algo se da debe de ser natural, no por inducción de un factor externo. Pero por un llamado interno.

Sin ánimos de ofender, me parece gracioso cuando muchos extremistas de la nutrición condenan el consumo de productos provenientes de animales. O sea que los seres que comen otros seres están mal? Incluso se han visto especies cambiar drásticamente su dieta por falta de su alimento predilecto.

En fin. La vida es un proceso dinámico, en la cual día a día, minuto a minuto se presenta algún factor que puede ser sometido a alguna modificación. Mientras mas me permito dejarme llevar por las mismas en vez de negarme a ellas crezco de maneras que pocos años atrás no hubiese podido entender.

Permítase crecer, cambiar, haga metamorfosis. Hay demasiadas cosas en la vida para solo limitarnos a unas cuantas por creer de antemano que esa otra no nos llenará de igual manera o nos dañara. Rompa sus limites cada vez que pueda pero con consciencia y todo saldrá bien.

Ahora a terminar mi rica taza de leche de soya.

Aquí sabemos tapar el sol

ME CAGO!!!! No es por bajar mala onda.

Pero que es esta algarabía que tienen acá por lo que esta pasando en Venezuela? 

Adoro la solidaridad, la empatía que muestra el pueblo dominicano ante las situaciones ajenas, pero es necesario todo este pendejo SHOW?
Me disculpan todos aquellos de gran corazón pero...DONDE TU VIVES?
Aquí no hay problemas? No hay situaciones que resolver? Luchas que pelear?
Una nación con problemas de deficit atencional, eso somos. Podemos estar dándole RCP a nuestra madre, algo brilla a la distancia y se jodió la vieja.

No critico la solidaridad, el interés, el amor. Eso es hermoso. Pero hay que saber hasta como ser solidario. A ver. TUS HIJOS SE MUEREN DE HAMBRE, tu pueblo se ESTA MURIENDO, se ESTA PUDRIENDO, EL MALTRATO QUE SE VIVE EN ESTE PAIS, EL ABUSO...!!! Pero tu estas de chismoso con la vecina de al lado, hablando, consternado por la situación tan deplorable que vive la casa de doña Venezuela. No, vas a ir a resolverle, no vas a hacer ni puta mierda por ella, pero tampoco por tus hijos. Solo estas hablando de lo mal que te hace sentir la situación de la pobre doña Vene...

ES EN SERIO???? 

USTED QUIERE AYUDAR??? EMPIECE A LIMPIAR LA BASURA DE SU PATIO!!!
Y no a hablar sobre la del otro. Muestre apoyo. Porque lo que se está viviendo en Venezuela lo hemos vivido nosotros. LO VIVIMOS TODOS LOS DIAS, USTED ESTA CIEG@?

Es como que ven una fucking luz y como los mosquitos van derechito. Lo que se explota en los medios es lo que es digno de su atención. Todo lo demás, aunque lo vivan en sangre propia es inexistente. MINIMO UNA PUTA ILUSION. Vivimos en la fucking matrix dominicana... -.-"

Ese ímpetu, esa energía, esa sed de justicia hay que verterla en nuestras calles. Hay que limpiar nuestra casa. Y con amor y nuestros mejores deseos, esperar que tanto Vene, como otros tantos países que TAMBIEN tienen SUS PROBLEMAS, sean capaz de lograr lo necesario para alcanzar un bien común. Pero ellos, ELLOS!, deben de resolver su situación, al igual que nosotros debemos resolver las nuestras. 

Abran los ojos, CIERREN LA BOCA. MIREN A SU ALREDEDOR. Que lindo, que comodo "ponerse" en los zapatos ajenos para olvidar que tu ni zapatos tienes. Pendejos. ESO ES SER PENDEJO.

EMPIECEN A RECOGER EN SU CASA COÑO. Porque si no lo han notado, esos sitios por los que "rezamos", SI ESTAN HACIENDO ALGO. Mientras que a usted sin vaselina te lo están entran..

Pena y vergüenza que no seamos capaces de sentir ese dolor por los hermanos con los que vivimos. Los que comparten con nosotros este pedazo de tierra. Los que sudan a nuestro lado bajo el mismo sol. Y su dolor nos sabe a mierda. He visto maltrato en formas asquerosas. Actos cometidos por civiles, policías y militantes. Y todos alrededor sólo observan para empaparse bien de información para poder contar bien el chisme. Gritos de ayuda se han pedido mientras las caras voltean e ignoran el agredido. 

Pena y vergüenza debería provocar el no ser capaz de darse cuenta de la puta verdad... Y por elección. Aquí si sabemos como tapar el sol.

Placebo

No busques a Dios. Buscate a ti, en el proceso le encontrarás...

Entonces yo soy tu profeta. Yo soy el libro que contiene las respuestas, los consejos, las anécdotas. Soy el dueño de las letras, de la poesía que te alimenta.  

Las palabras en mis labios se transforman en marionetas que cobran vida en la inocencia de tu conciencia. Son lógicas, correctas, en una mente no concreta. Moldeable, habitable, edificable. Somnolienta.

Excusas inéditas que habitan en la mente que las profesa. Al igual que tu moldeable, habitable, edificable; excusas intrépidas. Gritos entre lineas. Ruido ante la sordera de una mente ciega.

Te hablo del mundo de tal forma que creo saber. Y al decirlo creo que sé.  Creo que es. Que hago lo que debo hacer. Patrañas. Como dice él; “pomada”. Quien diría, por fin me doy cuenta de lo mucho que me aplico esta “pomada”. Sustancia calmante que entumece y apacigua las aguas intrépidas que se abalanzan contra mi conciencia. Y estremecen mi creída inocencia.

Hablo sinceramente, siendo fiel creyente de mis palabras. Sin embargo me siento un engaño.

Palabras vacías de un corazón que se ahoga en su ironía.  Palabras que aunque siento y creo, no aplico a lo que veo, mi desdicha.

Y es que soy otra del montón que solo piensa, habla y ahora “predica”?

Otra que cree tener las respuestas o al menos la guía al significado de la vida. Ni siquiera le encuentro significado a la mía.

Temo que mis palabras dañan, pues  estoy hablando antes de entender. Pero a veces siento que hablo pues lo debo de hacer. Y la pomada vuelve a untarse y entumece este ser.

Momentos fugaces capaces de hacerme olvidar. Capaces de hacerme ignorar, lo que con tanto deseo quiero evitar. ACEPTAR?

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Do not search for God. Look for yourself, you'll find him in the way...

And so I am the prophet. The book which holds the answers, the advices and tales. I'm the owner of letters, the poetry that feeds you.

The words in my lips are transformed into puppets that are brought to life by the innocence of your consciousness. They are logic, right, all in a concrete mind. Malleable, livable, able to build on. Listless. 

Virgin excuses living in the mind of that who preaches. Just like you malleable, livable, able to build on; intrepid excuses. Cry between lines. Noise in front of the deafness of a broken mind. 

I speak of the world in way I make myself believe. And as I say it I'm certain I know. I believe it is. I'm doing what I should. Poppycock. As he says; "balm". Who would say, finally I realize how much I apply it to myself. Numbing substance that eases the tempestuous waters that charge against my mind.  And make my so believed innocence tremble and fall.

I speak honestly, being faithful believer of my words. Never the less I sense a deceit. Empty words of a heart drowning in it's own irony. Words I feel and believe and still don't apply to what I see. The sorrow.

I'm just another of a lot who only thinks, speaks and now "preach"?
Another one that believes has answers or at least a guide to the meaning of life. Cannot even find meaning in mine.

I'm afraid my words are source or damage, I speak before I understand. But sometimes I have the hunch that I say what I must do. The balm is placed again over the wound numbing my being, my soul.

Flashing moments capable of making me forget. Capable of making me put to aside what I so desire to ignore. ACCEPT, ADMIT, ALLOW?